“I should send him a message” – that’s what goes in my head almost every day. “Him” is not that significant other with whom we easily keep in touch, but rather a different friend each time, somebody I care about and feel sorry for losing touch with. It can be Orr from high school in Beer Sheva or Stefano, who I met here in Barcelona and who moved back to Italy.
“I’ll try to remember to do it Saturday morning when it’s convenient for both,” – goes the next thought in my head before I get distracted by breaking news about something irrelevant to my life. Or a meaningless humblebrag from someone I don’t care about on Instagram. Social media is not so social if nobody is listening. I want to hear what’s happening in Ben’s life or with Gerda’s work, but Saturday comes and goes. So does the next one.
When I receive a message from Yulian or Michal, it makes me feel great – and the same goes for finally clicking send on a message to Lior or traveling back in time and calling Osnat. And wait, when was the last time I spoke with my sister? She lives overseas, but I know the time difference is no excuse.
If it makes me and the other person feel that great, why don’t I do it more often? I took a deep dive, spoke to people, and ran surveys to find an answer. The obvious ones were “I don’t have enough time” and “the kids.” There’s no need for research to tell me that, nor the fact that we’re so distracted by technology. Those who have become “undistractable,” as renowned author Nir Eyal’s book is titled, are no better at staying in touch than those distracted. As many of you have pointed out, the pandemic surely eroded our social skills. But it goes deeper than that.
It feels awkward reaching out to somebody out of the blue – even if you know they’ll be happy. And the split-second you hesitate once over the awkwardness, guilt begins creeping in, and procrastination while suffering is what we tend to do until it painstakingly goes away. Haven’t we all refrained from eating that not-so-great-looking banana, preferring to see it turn pitch black before resigning to throwing it away? Decisions are hard for me, even over that banana.
We don’t throw away dormant relationships – but this hesitation morphs into neglect, and the guilt never goes away.
So, admitting I have a problem is halfway to solving it, and it’s time to go for the second half – an app that will help me stay in touch, remove the hesitation, and create healthy habits. Staying in touch=wellness no less than a gym membership. Yes, like that gym we bypass quickly on our way home, staying in touch can become a New Year’s Resolution that fades by late January. Creating habits is hard.
There have been previous attempts to tackle the issue, and overcoming hesitation and creating habits is what sunk some of them. I spoke with app developers who were generous in sharing these insights. The need is there, and it requires a fresh approach.
Touch Base aims to harness technology and reduce friction when it comes to staying in touch, tapping into what eventually leads us to act – and enhancing it. Finally, the app encourages us to listen and remember what the other side told us. Touch Base is a place where you come to listen. Give it a try.