“I was so happy to hear from you” – receiving such a message from that smiling friend or family member creates so much satisfaction. A simple effort has a dual positive effect. So, why don’t we do it more often?
That is what I tried to find out about myself and then expanded it to the people I interviewed. The findings below help me build Touch Base – the first version is due in the spring.
Feeling that the relationship is mutual is the No. 1 enabler of staying in touch. If you are at least in the space between the two of you, reaching out is a no-brainer. Feeling comfortable is key in all relationships, from random people to colleagues, through all types of friends and to your closest family members, yet this common sense is often overlooked.
Overcoming inhibitions and instant gratification
Then comes the more exciting trigger – “something random,” as someone described it. That person reached out to a long-lost friend after viewing a movie about that friend’s country. The trigger may be related to the other person or the relationship. Another example I heard is that someone passed by a restaurant where both had a special dinner together. Walking by the restaurant triggered a message that turned into a revival of the relationship.
At Touch Base, we aim to tap into such tidbits and create the magic that breaks the ice – and unleashes us from our inhibitions.
Lacking something “special” to say often stops us from reaching out. That other person didn’t respond to our message a year ago, and we feel it would be too weird to reach out. “Just do it” is my answer to a friend who feels unable to reach out. But that is easier said than done – I am better at giving sensible advice to others than applying the same advice myself. Are you like me?
Other inhibitions are more mundane, such as lacking time due to raising young children, a new job, a new relationship, etc. Or, we are just too distracted with too many things competing for our attention. We seek a sense of belonging in social media, but it never fully satisfies us. That is a topic for another post.
Another reason not to reach out is the physical distance. We are in 2024, a long time after the internet made it too easy to reach out by message or phone. However, having the ability does not mean we use it. Apparently, it is easier to contact somebody you can meet or do an activity with than somebody you are unlikely to encounter anytime soon.
These findings go some ways to explain why we don’t reach out. Nevertheless, in a world of instant gratification, we still hesitate before hitting the Send button to a loved one. New technology is needed to overcome the inhibition gap.